Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder….

Yeah, went back to KL last weekend…the 5 days unpaid leaves i took were supposed for studying…and what did I do?? Tried spending every single hour with my friends…although during the day they were all working, I still managed to steal their lunch hours with me…hehehe… As it turned out, as expected, my exam was a disaster, this is the first time I didn’t even finish studying the first round, although this is my second attempt, still I can’t remember shit…well, what can I say…I was feeling so down lately, being alone in singapore, having the guilt feeling of the need to study, not receiving paycheck yet (which means no money)….going back to KL and meeting my friends was the only thing I look forward too… I bet they were all tired of me last weekend, but still, I would like to thank them for not showing it in front of me, hehe…managed to see my nephews for like 2 hours…missed them so much!

Anyways, I was really excited this week, can’t wait to get my paycheck and start going to that dance class I’ve been checking out…and then another bad news, I just got to know that since I’m a non-resident, hence I’ll be taxed 15% flat…what the *!%@#$*#@ !!! there goes my plans of buying a new phone or going back KL more often or shopping new clothes….sigh…

Another 2 months to go, and still I don’t know what to do next… I’m like half here, half there… I love working in an office kinda environment, but at the same time I do want to work some place where they have flexible hours…I’ve been delaying this for too long already, wanted to apply as a tutor so that I could continue getting my masters and become a lecturer…but do I want this?

Oh gosh… I knew that I’m not that good of a person and I knew that I made a lot of people pissed off…don’t know why, but I just did it…somehow I never really knew how they felt, in words… cause normally people like to talk behind other people’s back rather than approaching them…however, 5 minutes ago, I finally read one of my friend’s blog… I’ve heard rumours about it…I’ve heard some people made comments about it but I myself were too scared to read it…cause I don’t want to face the fact that a lot of people actually hated me…

What is the point of writing blogs? To pour out your frustrations? To condemn people that you don’t like? To say things that you’re unsure of? Or is it a coward way of saying things to people that you are too scared or don’t have enough guts to say to them face to face? But then you are bold enough to write it in a blog where anybody can read it!!

Sometimes I wonder why can I just be a better person…well I did try a bunch of times, it’s just that I hate the fact that there are people (whom they called themselves as friends) who likes to take other better people for granted… it’s like you gave them a piece of chicken and then later they’ll ask for 2 pieces..and then 3 pieces…and then later they’ll ask for the whole chicken…

Anyways, it’s all in the past… just have to deal with it and be done with it…

First time working in another country… not that far from KL but the feeling of loneliness is so significant until it creates doubts in myself, whether I can managed to stay here for another 2 months…

Can’t complaint much on the work part… good environment, great boss, good money plus got one this can-do dude… just that I have to bump into cool people quickly… I can imagine those people who travels a lot for work… of course they get to meet new people, new culture, etc… I even have a friend who wakes up one morning and can’t remember where she is exactly… but how long can they take it? It’s likel living among strangers…

We can say that we are strong enough to do things by ourselves… that we don’t really need other people to stand by us during happy or sad times… but the thing is, we can’t… I missed my friends soooo much! Sometimes I just afraid that they would forget about me like some other friends that I have previously… I think in a way, you’ll get to know who are your real true friends… you just have to face the fact that there aren’t that many