Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder….

I had a friend… i used to see him almost everyday and i love spending time with him… although not sure whether it is vice versa… anyways, one day we had a fight… it’s a small one but i guess it gave a bigger impact to him… and in the end it ruined our friendship…

It’s been a year and a half now… and i miss him a lot… sometimes he’s in my dreams… i don’t know what else i could do to fix this… a friend told me once that you cannot say you’ve lost a friend, if a friendship is capable of ending, it is because it never existed… but i really believe that we had the greatest friendship and that he was a friend… i just wish that he still is…

What is so good about another new year? Mistakes done to be forgotten? Re-establishing what a major loser you are? Realising that you haven’t established much and you’re like turning 32 pretty soon? Resolutions that you didn’t managed to achieve/accomplish/complete bla bla bla…

I hate new year! it’s just too fast for me.. I wish time would just stopped for a while.. give me a break.. at least give me some time to think and re-think and act on it.. I dunno, it’s either time is moving faster or I’m just getting slower or sloppier or stupider or….??

And I also hate depression, it’s like killing me softly.. I think it’s more painful than getting hit by a bus, who’s up for a try? hehe…

Yeah, as obvious as it can be, you can see
that I haven’t been writing like for ages. Which actually lead me to steal one
my friends’ blog title. The reason being… we shared the same problem…. difficulty
in finding or should I say setting our own goal in life… what actually
constitutes a “goal”? Something related to your career or personal life? About
how much money you should be making by the time you’re 40? That you are married
and have 2 kids by the time you’re 35? And how far ahead the goal should be? 5
years? 10 years? 20 years?

For me, the answer is easy. It has always
been happiness… which comes to the question of how do you define happiness? Happiness
is when you are surrounded with people who truly love you, no matter who you
are… a husband that loves you more than you love yourself, your own kids who
you can spoil and be proud of, a lovely simple home with a small garden outside…
close friends who can never abandon you when things go wrong… and money isn’t
everything. It is not the question of does everyone knows what their goal is but
whether it is achievable? Sometimes, it can be seen as simple and so easy but I
find myself struggling and questioning every single day… “what is wrong with
me?”… is this considered as a failure? Am I a loser?

And sometimes you just can’t do much about it but to give in… cause life goes on and you just have to deal with it

… make the best out of it… never give up, never surrender!

Till this day, i still have grudge on some
of my so-called friends. I still remember those bad things they did to
me…always think about how unlucky I was for having such awful friends… but
at the same time, I forgot that I also have good friends…very few but
still..they are indeed good friends.

I always define good friends as those people that will always be there when you
needed them the most… I think that’s why I did a lot of what I called charity
work so that people can accept me as a good friend and they would then someday
return the favour.. but I was wrong..I ended up hurting myself..being
disappointed and everything…and as such, I realised that good friends are
also defined as those people who can accept you as who you are.. of course I’m
sure everyone wants to be a better person..to improve themselves.. but until to
what extend??!

You keep on trying to accommodate other people but do they really accommodate
you? .. In the end, nobody is perfect.. and if they can’t accept you as a good
friend, then I guess they are not that worth it…My advice is be yourself,
enjoy life, treasure your truly good friends (never ever take them for
granted), never stop doing good deeds, love your parents, love god and above
all love yourself…

It’s been a while huh.. well aside from the tittle, i’ll take this opportunity to update u guys on what’s going on so far… with my life of course…hehe

Where should i start…hmmm.. well, nothing much I guess except puasa month.. went to new zealand for a convention…did some sky diving (OMG!!)..made some mat salleh friends there.. extended few days in Sydney.. met Veh Den (my best colleague ever! well, ex-colleague now) and Fat boy Soon.. had the best days in Sydney with them.. wow, they really showed me Sydney… the food was awesome!.. Fish market.. i’ll see you soon… with Air Asia, now everybody can fly to Sydney.. woo hoo… Pictures? Gulp.. we’ll see how…hehehe

Then came Raya.. the normal stuff..took one whole week off (of course all i did was eat & sleep)..back to work… had a crush on somebody.. (shhhh).. went to BNM open house…check check it out…those who don’t know who this is.. better take out your money and give it to me man…

Other than that, life is as per normal (before the exam season comes…sigh), started volleyball training for interfinance…errrkkk…muscle pain, here i come!…went to this new nail shop just now..realised that there’s one very nearby my house….i so love being pampered…manicure + Pedicure for RM50.. it’s a promotion price until end of November…

Yes, yes, yes!!! Finally I’ve managed to pass my CT5 paper… After 5 attempts, 1 letter of my own together with 1 supporting letter from my boss, 4 years and 3 companies, I finally get rid of CT5… I’ve dreamed of this moment for ages,,, I even imagined for so many times how I would react on the day I passed this paper… jumping up and down while screaming out loud… hugging everyone around me…surprised by everyone saying "CONGRATULATIONS!!!" when i enter the office…hanging out with friends partying after office hours.. you know all the she bang you do when u’ve succeeded in something…

But I guess after 4 years it all tend to fade away.. I did get a surprise though… the morning when the results came out, i checked my phone a couple of times waiting for somebody to send me a congratulation sms.. but by the time i need to get ready to go to the office, i realised that i need to face the reality and the fact that i had failed again for the zillionth time… i was practically dragging my legs to the office.. once i reached the parking lot, i saw a car of my most unfavourable colleague, and i didn’t feel like bumping into him in the lift or something.. so i rush myself, trying to beat him but as the door of the lift opened, first person i saw was him… and the first word he said was "CONGRATULATIONS"…. i jumped and almost hugged him…eeeuuuwww…but that was it.. no crowd cheering me as i entered the office.. no phone calls…no partying after office hours… nobody to celebrate it with… eventhough i’ve just passed the paper that i wanted to pass so badly.. i can only feel the moment of glory for just 2 minutes which was from the 2nd floor all the way to 16th floor…

Imagine if i didn’t pass the paper… i would probably wouldn’t even reached 16th floor by now…

Yeah…what is wrong with me? I can’t seem to
find a reason to be happy in life… I’m not so thrill with my job… waking up
every morning not feeling like going to work… define happiness? Recently I saw
this movie based on true story…actually it’s a Will Smith new movie… titled
“Pursuit of Happyness”… the way I see it, I mean based on that story, I guess I
never will have happiness since you have to go through lots… your life has to
be at the very low level first, then you can feel how difficult it is to
achieve happiness… another way to see it is that I should be thankful of what I
have right now…

So, to you guys out there who consistently
unhappy, whining, dissatisfy about anything or even everything, please do
remember or better still, go and watch this movie… (this of course a reminder
for me as well)… cause somewhere, someone out there is living in a shit hole…
cause nobody is perfect, somehow there’s always something in your life that is
incomplete… some people might be rich, but they can be as lonely as hell… some
people might look as if he/she has everything but you’ll never know, the grass
is always greener the other side…

For me, I would do anything just to have
someone I love, loves me back  

Yes yes…I went to Cherating last weekend during the long CNY holiday…with a bunch of my volleyball gang…nothing much done except for hanging out at the beach…played beach volley…take pictures… went swimming…take pictures…went shopping…take pictures…as you can see we mostly take pictures…haha..but ever since i’ve got my own camera, most of the pictures doesn’t have me in it …  no biggie.. i still had lots of fun…just hanging out ..more like relaxing kinda holiday

We even managed to go to Bandar Kuantan to check out their "Tasik"… and surprisingly it’s better than the "Tasik" we used to hang out here in kl… one thing we realised that these 2 tasik have in common is that they both located next to a hospital…hehe…wonder what kinda sign is that…

Can’t believe it that finally i’ve reached the age of 30!!! I thought today going to be the same old normal boring day like the years before but since I shamelessly told one of my colleagues yesterday (assuming the most kepo one)…he told everyone and managed to arrange the perfect birthday lunch for me!!

At first i thought there’s only going to be just lunch but it turned out, they bought me ferrero rocher, got me a beautiful card and adidas t-shirt i tell you!!! I was so touched…imagine all this coming from people i know for only 7 months.. we had lunch at this place called "souled out" in Sri Hartamas…great place…great services too…can you imagine, i got complimentary cake plus a picture of me with this stupid hat…hahaha… kinda cool in a way…

Last night managed to play few games of bowling with vb friends.. highest score?? 178…not to shabby huh..after that went for some supper…and i surprised myself by not remembering my own birthday for the first time…hehehe..

Went to singapore few weeks ago…and it still feels like my second home…went there by train…and it’s the first time me being in a train…10 hours man!! but it was a nice experience…took a few pictures…me and my friend took a cabin, while the rest took the sleeping birth…eventhough the cabin were much more expensive but i liked it…it has its own bathroom with shower and everything…felt like in the old days when we were in uni or something…went smoking at the in between trains thingy and also went to the cafe (don’t expect it to be something like in the movies, but close enough)…and what else?…hmmm

After reaching tanjong pagar around 9.30am, we went straight to the hotel…cool place called hangout@mount emily…and off we went for shopping…it was really really tiring but i had the greatest time except the part where i got conned by the camera sales guy (fucker!!)…what can i say…i already bought it..it is a nice camera..i just hate the fact that i was soooo stupid!…arrgghhh…well it’s all in the past…sigh…

Besides that, we did manage to take few funny pictures with funny posts…and this is the only picture i can put in here, the rest dunno why cannot go through…shites!